I’ve been thinking a lot about narratives. It’s not just because of today’s political debates about the “truth” of the tragic death in Minneapolis. Narratives are unique to the individual experiencing them.   In a recent PBS NewsHour segment, David Brooks cited a famous 1951 social science experiment. involving a rough Princeton-Dartmouth football game. In viewing after-game video, Princeton viewers saw excessive Dartmouth fouls while Dartmouth students reported on too many Princeton fouls. The study was used to illustrate how partisan perspectives distort reality. There are numerous similar studies. Many of us have been trained to recognize bias and perspective, helping us be aware of impacts on our decisions and thinking.

Despite the bias inevitably found in narratives I am a strong advocate of sharing them. Narratives make us human. As we live, each of us is constantly reflecting upon our experiences and weaving them into narratives to make sense and memories of our lives. In times past, narratives and story-telling were the eagerly awaited basis of music and literature. No one expected them to be literally true. Narratives are reflective of the teller, not of the listener, a sharing of the teller’s perspective.

Families have multiple narratives because families include multiple points of view. My favorite example is the story of my parents’ potatoes. My mother confided that she was cooking extra potatoes for my father to help him gain needed weight. My father, however, explained that he was helping my mother lose weight by eating extra potatoes at each meal! They flatly refused to reconcile those differing narratives. Each considered themselves right. Ultimately, I came to realize that the commonality of their differing experiences was in their love for each other. It wasn’t about potatoes.

On a larger scale, narratives are our culture. It has been said that “The wisdom of the elders flows like a river, nourishing the roots of our cultural identity”. Sharing stories is how we maintain our culture and values. It’s important that future generations are aware that humanity has had to constantly balance fear with courage, acceptance with resistance, and tolerance with self-acceptance.  We wouldn’t be here otherwise.  During  life’s inevitable challenges, we need to know that we can survive and thrive. Narratives from those who have gone before can be inspirational.

Most recently, narrative story-telling programs are being used to help connect citizens with diverse experiences to one another. The goal is not to argue or debate until truth wins, but rather to listen and learn. Ultimately, empathy and commonality can be discerned, from whence comes acceptance and creative thinking about shared problems. Read more about the inspiring work of Narrative4 , or StoryCorps or Empathy Museums.

My personal, elderly goal is simple and non-partisan. I want to record as much family heritage as I can for my descendants. Doing so gives me joy.  That’s a good thing. If my narratives can also help nourish the identity and culture of others, that’s amazing.