COVID’s sudden and dramatic threat to our lives and well-being made social isolation and virtual connections a no-brainer. During the pandemic’s height, both meals and mail were delivered to the doors of our senior community by masked staff. Visiting in person was thoroughly discouraged, and our Community Center closed to all residents.  I still consider it a miracle of adaptability and resilience that the majority of our average-85 residents migrated to Zoom and the community website with speed and success. By the way, that transition was entirely resident-driven; it was our resident-supported resident association which purchased Zoom, set up meetings and programs on Zoom, and guided residents through those initial sessions. And many of our 100 Committees continued to function, with even the musical recorder players practicing carefully spaced in a forest clearing. Let’s hear it for Empowerment!

Waves of fear and isolation kept coming even after vaccinations due to high COVID infection rates. In our case, the pandemic was soon followed by the weeks-long prisoner escape, during which we were again advised to stay indoors and avoid gathering in groups. We became very skilled in quick snatches of conversation, virtually and in-person.

Residents now worry that we have gone too far in accepting social isolation and virtual connection. To that end, strategies to encourage residents to eat in the Dining Room are being developed, especially focused on providing social interaction in small group tables. We worry: will we ever get back to the community which once was? Have we irretrievably lost something vital?

Let’s reframe the issue. Virtual connections were happening well before the pandemic. Many had already learned to FaceTime with distant family and subscribed to social media sites for pictures of relatives and distant friends. The pandemic forced us to speed up our acceptance of these virtual connections, but they were already there. Some aspects of virtual connections are very good: we monitored the escapee’s movement and that of the armed police pursuing him. Options for virtual connections were going to happen, just not so urgently. The future arrived before we expected it. Meanwhile, some of us learned to appreciate the serenity of isolation and of our natural surroundings.  My personal opinion is that the pandemic resulted in a greater love for our wildlife and woods than we had enjoyed pre-pandemic. Some of us are now strictly limiting our face-to-face time, and consciously deciding to stay more isolated than in the past.

Perhaps it’s also time to recognize that part of our hunger for connections may actually be a desire for intimacy. Sherry Turkel, a sociologist/technology expert presented a Ted talk entitled “Connected but alone” over a decade ago. Back then, she argued that in our rush for connections, we have settled for quick, superficial encounters such as those we found during the pandemic on social media and that we are losing the skills and confidence for rich, meaningful, intimate conversations. She suggests that solitude can be a gift during which we can acquire the self-awareness to engage in conversation about topics that really matter to us. Enriched solitude and meaningful conversations may be our real need—not just filling our days with connections, virtual or in-person. What do you think?